JASON REYNOLDS

writin' and whatnot

Justin Bieber was almost murdered

So apparently, some psycho in prison who has a strange obsession with "The Biebs" (so much so that he has his face tattooed on his leg, prison style) put a hit out on him. The guy hired two goons to hit Justin at Madison Square Garden. The method of execution — strangulation. The icing on the cake — castration. Apparently each of Bieber's nuts were going for $2500. And that's not a joke, sad to say. Luckily, the prison fanatic got spooked and instead of just calling off the hit, snitched on his hitmen, which is how this whole story hit the wire.

So what have I learned from all this (because there's always a lesson.)

1.) I don't have the balls to be famous. Well...I do...which is why I don't wanna be famous.

2.) Never say never (right Biebs?) because I always said to myself that I would NEVER even mention Justin Bieber's name on my site.

(All jokes aside, I'm glad those fools got caught. Seriously.)

But I'm NEVER listening to Justin Bieber's music.

(Probably just jinxed myself.)